Last week’s achievements

* Sent art feedback for Kelly, Telia, Princess Leaf
* Sent art requirements for Winter, Jig (normal outfit), and Minori
* Revised art feedback for Telia, Princess Leaf, and Lash

Current focus

Character design.

Weekly goals

* Send in art feedback for Tango, Kelly, Telia, Jig (alternate outfit), and Lash, plus feedback for any updates that come back

Comments

This week has been all about art—and about realizing my entire life has been a battle between the practical vs. the personal. Perhaps everyone’s life is no different. Go to school and get good grades, but make some friends. Get a good job and make some money, but don’t forget your moral values. Keep your business relationships business and your friendly relationships friendly.

As I wrote my character profile for Minori, I mentioned that she’s a great athlete but she doesn’t need to be portrayed as a tomboy; she’s perfectly comfortable with both her “feminine” and “masculine” sides and slightly more with the former. I wrote that Dreamblazers stars “characters just like me who fit into the margins instead of the majorities.”

What’s that mean? In most demographics, I’m one of the only people I’ve ever met who’s like me. Faith? I grew up agnostic and Christ found me later. Gender? Don’t know, don’t care, maybe even don’t have one. Sexual orientation? None: I’m asexual. Race? Mixed and one of them is such a minority that even Street Fighter, the most diverse series ever, doesn’t represent it.

I choose to be me. Not a statistic, but me. Not a cause, but me. Not even a set of beliefs or values, but me.

So I’m shedding one more element of society. I’m becoming even more me and even less everyone else. And this time it’s on purpose! After nearly thirty years of false dichotomy, no, I will not separate the personal from the practical any longer. I am not my money, my career, or anything less—nor anything else—than a person who loves and feels. A practical relationship isn’t worth having. Flora means a lot to me and I told her so.

With that said, what does it mean for Dreamblazers?

“Writers aren’t people exactly. Or, if they’re any good, they’re a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Truth be told, nearly all of my characters are self-inserts, including ones who I didn’t intend to be. Cotelle is my battle between kindness and pride; Leaf my curiosity and unending questions; Ardis my distinctiveness and disdain for the mundane; Jelia my fluid identity and inner child; Sakura my conflict between individual and collective priorities; Evelyn my unseen tension between actions and feelings; Hikaru my defensive response to utilitarian angst; Celty my social uncertainty and desire for ultimate freedom; Astrid my proactive response to utilitarian angst; Telia my self-importance and ego; Tango my love and idealism; Kelly my latent resentment; Jig my eccentricity and faith; Minori my creativity and warmth.

Because they all mean a lot to me, seeing a designer go hurts deeply and personally. However, it’s also because of this that after a rough week of tears, reflection, and prayer, I’m confident everything will be alright. I’m the spirit of my characters and I’m always here.